Man Pleasers

While reading Audre Lorde's article in the Cancer Journals I was so upset at the way her first visit to the doctor after her surgery went. I kept thinking how I would have felt if I was in that situation, to leave the house for the first time, after getting my hair done and putting on one of my favorite outfits and convincing myself that I am perfect just the way I am and that my partner will love me with just one breast because it doesn't really matter who I am on the outside as much as who I am on the inside. But once she arrived at the doctor and was greeted by the nurse who seemed to have been in support of her, I could not believe that the nurse, a woman, told Audre that she was bringing down the morale of the doctor's office by not wearing a prosthesis. What kind of doctor's office is that, I thought that they were supposed to be one of the best breast cancer oncologists offices and instead it seemed as if they were a plastic surgeon's office; more concerned about the appearance of the patient than the patient's actual well being. Lorde was right on target when she said that women are judged by their outside appearances; how beautiful we are on the outside, and our bodies seems to determine our worth, not our intelligence or our personalities. I sometimes find myself wondering if my boyfriend would still love me if I cut my hair, or gained weight or changed any other form of my appearance and although he always assures me that he thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am, that is the problem; I'm only beautiful to him in this way and if anything were to change there is a possibility that I will no longer be as beautiful. I wonder if Audre was onto something when she said that in her experience women love based on the inside, because I sure feel like men love strictly based on the outside appearance and anything else is just a bonus.

All Oppression is Connect

Rosemarie Garland-Thomson’s “Integrating Disability, Transforming Feminist Theory” is an article that really clarifies ways in which “all oppression is connected.” In the article, Garland-Thomson aim’s to find the parallels between feminist theory and disability studies and she does so in such a unique way that it is apparent that these two different fields of study are intertwined and can contribute greatly to each other. According to Garland-Thomson, “Integrating disability [with feminist theory] clarifies how the aggregate of systems operates together, yet distinctly, to support an imaginary norm and structure the relations that grant power, privilege, and status to that norm” (577). This quote is important because it brings us directly to the source of all problems and shows why “all oppression in connected”: because it grants power, privilege, and status to normalcy. For disability studies and feminist studies, the ideas of normalcy that are being challenged vary slightly. Being able-bodied is considered normal for the former and being a man is considered normal for the latter. These ideas of normalcy are problematic because they have become institutionalized in our society and serves to justify the legitimization of “unequal distribution of resources, status, and power within a biased social and architectural environment” (577). Similarly, the way that sexism in so deeply embedded in our society today and is used to preserve male privilege, Garland-Thomson draws a comparison with disability studies, where privilege is reserved for able-bodied people.

Garland-Thomson divided the article into four main sections (representation, the body, identity, and activism) to provide more examples of ways in which feminist theory and disability studies can help each other and create a more enriched discourse. In representation she discussed ways in which acting out femininity is associated with being disabled. In fact, in the article, she cites a study that states women who act out femininity are viewed as incompetent in the same way elderly people and disabled people are view incompetent. In the body section, she makes a wonderful point to start of saying that very early in history, body ideals were worshipped and not imitated but today, body ideals are the model that everyone seeks to attain (579). She goes on to discuss the similarities between reconstructive surgery, a procedure that is typically aimed at people who what to eliminate disability to become more “normal”, and cosmetic surgery, a popular procedure that offers people “solutions” to their beauty problems and helps them look beautiful based on the normal standards of beauty in society. In this respect, Garland-Thomson believes that a woman trying to change the shape of her nose is no different from a person attempting a breast reduction procedure to allow their greater functionality and reduce back pain. Now I appreciate the way that Garland-Thomson structures this article because it allowed me to see the ways we overlook similarities between different groups that are oppressed in society. Acknowledging our similarities and differences and uniting to reject the normative standards to oppress us will make each different field of study. This also changed my way of looking at disability. I’ve read Garland-Thomson’s work before but this article allowed me to see things clearer. In a way, feminist women are part of the oppressive system if we don’t acknowledge that we have privileges for being able-bodied in ways that disabled people don’t. This article really shows us how “all oppression is connected.” Towards the end of the article, Garland-Thomson notes that feminism embraces paradoxes and this is important when we are trying to draw comparisons between two equally oppressive fields. We will always find differences that challenge our views but we must not ignore them.

Casulties of War

In the Cancer journals, Audre Lorde candidly expressed her undergone turmoil after her mastectomy. I was surprised to learn of the trials she faced within the confines of the cancer facilities. I was instantly pierced with sadness for her when she spoke about the doctors refusing her the right to cope in a more totallistic way and instead by getting a prosthetic breast. Their disregard for her feelings, emotions, welfare, and rights as a person were nothing short of heteronormative structures that are designed to suppress anything that steps out of that exclusive category that we all must fit in. It baffles me to see that even women look at their sisters and subject them to the harsh structures designed by male oppressions that were never in our favor to begin with. The American Cancer Society and Research was negligent in their recovery piece. When was it ever healthy to cope with pain by overcompensation and replacement? In every psychology journal, textbook, and study the number one hurdle to overcome is denial and must be resisted for personal development and recovery, knowledge understood at least by all professionals. But when women are in search for health they are anomalous subjects that mustn't disturb the morale of the office. Are cancer patients recovering from breast amputation not considered in this theory? Its as if their pain, new found hope, and body transition is trivialized and they must be treated like children like when a little boy or girl loses a toy and to pacify them their parents immediately hand them another one as if they are too feeble minded to realize they are without their original. Also, this concept of womanhood being defined by appearance only is immensely problematic but it is not until more women like Audre Lorde activate the demand for revering women totally instead of dissecting her according to perceived beauty. I loved when she eloquently asserted the unjust contrast between herself and prime minister Moishe Dayan highlighting that they in fact were not too different in regards to their societal defined "handicaps" one being without an eye and the other a breast; however, they were accepted differently because the prime minister's scar was a result of the warrior in him and the ability to defeat war while Audre Lorde was constantly told to hide her scar as if her fight was less significant. Such association demonstrates the interconnection of what is true and what is believed, or our epistemology, possessed by our exclusive society and how unlikely we are to embrace everyone. The parallel between Dayan and Lorde is based on patriarchy, male privilege, and male heroism while dismissing women as they are often made to feel like the "mules of the world". I feel that too often woman are viewed as the trophy piece or the compliment to a man; therefore, when her "beauty" is altered she is left worthless since she no longer has anything to contribute or satisfy her man. Again, why is it that our appearances define our worth or how we should be valued? Does her spirit, health, intelligence, emotions, interests, passion, talent, love and undefined uniqueness at all matter? I thought about this during Easter when my family constantly remarked on my hair, clothes, shoes, and smile. How mature of a style I had developed and how beautiful I am. I heard it so much that at dinner I just asked them to stop! Not once did anyone ask me about why I had been so quiet, how I was coping with the loss of my friend, how I have transitioned into a new major, why did I change, what are my new experiences, how my community service was that I was so passionate about, nothing at all. I was so frustrated and asked them if all they thought of me was this pretty face in an empty suit...while they all were shocked and of course said that they loved me and cared about all of me I began to wonder how this affects my other sisters struggling daily just to have their realities minimized to this fading, one dimensional beauty. What I am saying is that we as people must be less concerned with appearance and focus on the true beauty of individuals so other people don't feel like they must hide their scars because by doing so we are forcing them to hide themselves.....
“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.” Audre Lorde

Disabilities & Society

Audre Lorde’s essay “Breast Cancer: Power vs. Prosthesis” from the Cancer Journals speaks on how much emphasis is placed on appearance and illusion. As a black lesbian feminist she didn’t worry about no longer appealing to men or that having had a mastectomy would make others uncomfortable. Lorde’s focus was on remaining healthy and surviving cancer but she wasn’t allowed to experience and work through the change she’d just experienced. Instead there was immense pressure to don a prosthetic breast to put others at ease.

I can’t imagine having to push your feelings aside and just pretend that nothing had changed. Even in surviving breast cancer the focus on a woman’s appearance never lessens. When are you off the hook of the expectations of society?

Susan Wendell states that “social conditions affect people’s bodies by creating or failing to prevent sickness and injury.” (p. 36) Lorde also mentions the politics of the health industry in her essay. Unfortunately time and again the priority is on profits instead of healing. Not much is done about preventing diseases, unhealthy habits are actually endorsed. The availability of cheap unhealthy food contrasts how expensive it is to purchase organic nutritious food.

Willie Mae Clark...RIP

In reading both Audre Lorde's pieces entitled "A Burst of Light: Living With Cancer" and "Breast Cancer: Power vs Prothesis," I couldn't help but think about my aunt. She died twelve years ago this past January of breast cancer. Because I was young at the time, I do not recall very much of her struggle with breast cancer however I do recall a specific moment when I was at her house following her diagnosis and subsequent battle with cancer. I'm going to assume she was talking to my father in her room (she was his sister). I cannot recall if the door was closed or not but somehow I managed to enter the room. I do not know the specifics of the conversation but they are not relevant to this post. The purpose of this story is that when I entered my aunt's room it was the first, and quite possibly the only time I ever say my aunt without a wig on following the loss of her hair as a result of chemotherapy treatments. When they realized I had entered the room, my aunt quickly put on her wig before pulling me onto her bed. I haven't thought of that moment probably since my aunt died but reading Lorde's account of how she was supposed to potentially sacrifice her comfort for the sake of "office morale" called the memory forth. I do not know if my aunt had her breasts removed but my gut instinct is telling me she did. Regardless, her immediate move to place a wig on her head to seemingly ensure my comfort made me wonder about how many women wear wigs or prosthetic breasts to make society comfortable with their bodies when they may in fact have accepted their new bodies without hair and/or breast (s). Because I was young, as stated above, I cannot tell you what emotions I felt upon seeing my aunt, who had always maintained a healthy head of hair, without any but I know it was not fear. I would like to believe it was more intrigued shock. I knew in my heart this woman was my aunt and the person I was looking at resembled my aunt...only different. So it was simply a matter of assessing/accepting the difference and moving on. Reading these small pieces of Lorde's battle with cancer opened my eyes to the battles women face with society once they've fought their battle with cancer. Because society is sooo quick to tell a woman what is best for her without even asking what she believes is best for herself, many women subject themselves to uncomfortable even health hazardous procedures in an effort to appease society's discomfort with their identities. To change this, I believe society needs to look at these women similar to the same way I saw my aunt that one time. The fact that these women have had physical alterations to their appearances does not change the people they were before cancer so simply accept the difference, respect their decisions for their bodies...and move on.

"Integrating Disability, Transforming Feminist Theory"-by Rosemarie Garland-Thomas

In reading the article by RoseMarie Garland-Thomson, it allowed me to understand another of the privileges that I have as an able-bodied person. My mother's skill as a sign language interpreter allowed me to enter the "silent world," also known as the deaf world. Notice I say deaf, as opposed to the phrase "hearing impaired." Men and women who fall into this community
despise the phrase "hearing impaired," because they have pride-Deaf Pride. They do not view their inability to hear as a dysfunction, but rather as the gift of speaking with one's hands, and being able to see another world. All too often in the feminist movement, we seem to have this one-sided view of what a woman is supposed to look like. In "Integrating Disability. . .," Garland-Thomson states that "integrating disability does not obscure our critical focus on the registers of race, sexuality, ethnicity, or gender, not is it additive." I would like to add that it would be very hypocritical of the feminist movement not to incoporate the ideologies of persons with certain inabilities that are not of the general population, in addition to the many discriminations that they face because of cultural definitions of normativity. The overall definition of "disability" is also challenged in the article. Garland-Thomas further states that "disability is a culturally fabricated narrative of the body, similar to what we understand as the fictions of race and gender." To hear this particular statement is absolutely amazing for it allows us, as women, to understand how even the term "disability" is one that incorporates blatant patriarchal notions. One must also understand that at certain points in history, specifically during ancient Greece, women's bodies were viewed as being that of deformed men. To my recollection, I believe it was the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates who said "why educate a woman, she is only a castrated male." So the ideology of disability is heavily linked with gender, from a historical point of view. In the section on "The Body," Garland-Thomson goes on to address the fact that certain technological innovations (i.e. the corset, the body brace, and etc.) were created as a result to create the ideal "docile body"-specifically for women. With such analysis taking place, it is very disturbing that "able-bodied" women in the women's movement have perpetuated these same oppressive notions onto our sisters, whose bodies do not fit society's view of the "normal body." In referring to my previous statement, I greatly admire members of the deaf community on their ownership of the term as a gift. To embrace the ideology of being deaf as a beautiful thing is a form of activism against a system that would view their inability to hear as a negative.

Ignoring Disabilities!

The article, “Integrating Disability, Transforming Feminist Theory”, by Rosemarie Garland-Thomson, explains the rise of disability studies and the possibility of its integration into feminist theory. A person’s disability can be compared to a person’s race, sexuality, class, or ethnicity (575). Garland-Thomson asserts that society’s perception of disability studies is similar to feminist theory. Society perceives feminist and disability studies as irrelevant because they are outside the mainstream. Garland-Thomson’s argument is that disability studies can benefit feminist theory and vice versa. She compares the studies and how they can be intertwined.

In the “Cancer Journal”, Audre Lorde explains her experience living with breast cancer and after mastectomy surgery. As a Black Lesbian Feminist, she was not concerned about whether a man would love her differently after her surgery. She was assured that her female partner would love her unconditionally. Lorde stresses the importance of women valuing their lives instead of their appearances. Many women will die of breast cancer without receiving a mastectomy therefore; women should consider their lives over their body appearances. She states that “losing a breast is indefinitely preferable to losing one’s life” (63). After women have their breast amputated, they are required to go to counseling with the American Cancer Society’s Reach for Recovery and soon after receive prosthesis to cope with losing a breast.

The problem with the cosmetic surgery after a mastectomy is the reinforcement of the societal perception that women are measured by their appearance. Lorde describes that a woman who receives cosmetic surgery to restore her breast “mourn[s] the loss of her breast in secret, as if it were the result of some crime of which she were guilty” (58). In the journal, Audre Lorde explains how she wants to display her missing breast because it is her battle scar as a survivor and warrior against cancer. She asserts that women who cover their missing breast with prosthesis or silicone gel hide themselves from other women who have had mastectomies as well.

“Integrating Disability, Transforming Feminist Theory” and “Cancer Journal” relate because they both advocate the perspectives of disabled women. Audre Lourde speaks from her perspective as a Black Lesbian, disabled (not really) woman. Lorde explains that a person’s body should not define his/her existence. Garland-Thomson depicts the stigma that is attached to people with “various bodily variations” (577). After reading these pieces, I realized how much disability is overlooked in scholarship. There is also an underlying theme in both texts implying that disabled women are beautiful despite the society’s standards of beauty. When I took my Intro to Women’s studies course, we did not discuss the disabled perspective. I am determined to make a conscious effort to address the perspective of the disabled.

A Burst of Light

When Reading "A Burst of Light:Living With Cancer" written by Audre Lorde gave me an insight to the experiences that women living with cancer truly experience.  Cancer is an overwhelmingly real condition in our society, that many people face but few ever understand the pain they experience personally.  Reading about Lordes' personal experiences made the cancer experience real compared to being learned about on the surface.  For someone to describe the feelings of them preparing for death and just holding on is remarkable.  I've never thought about what I want to do with the rest of my life and how I want to spend the remainder of my time when death is on the line.  Living each day as your last truly made sense when I read this article.  The honesty expressed in the article allowed the reader to have a genuine experience to learn about cancer patients and what they have to face more than the superficial physical changes.  

I've personally been lucky to not have any of my immediate family affected by cancer, but my "aunt" who is the surrogate mother of my cousin was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  My little cousin who is only 3 watched her "birth" mother in the process of her having her breasts altered and loss of hair.  Although this is the process for any cancer patient, I was very aware of how my cousin handled the situation.  There were communication barriers, because its hard to explain to a child why her mom is constantly in the hospital and why she looks different than other mommies.  But honesty was the best policy in the situation.  Hiding the fact that her mom was sick would only make the issue harder in the long run.  This reminded me of the issue with intersex children and parents telling them of their "condition" while they are young.  Although it was a struggle for my cousins mom to be in and out of the hospital I believe it was a blessing in disguise.  Given that my cousin had two mommies, it was an opportunity for the surrogate mother and second mom to relate on a more personal level.  The struggles and the concern not even for the mom with cancer, but my little cousin put life into perspective.  Making decisions to cherish the time that may have only been left was all focused on the little girl.

This article gave an opportunity for the reader to see Lorde's personality and her emotions while she was facing a life-changing issue. It taught me to appreciate life and anything I can do to protect my body for the temple it truly is.   

the breast diaries

The entire time I was reading Audre Lorde’s edition in The Cancer Journal, I kept thinking about my grandmother. My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 years ago. Lorde’s reaction to her finding the lump in her breast and dealing with having to have a mastectomy was very similar to my grandmother’s reaction. However, Lorde’s opposition to wearing a prosthetic breast was different. My grandmother had a difficult time losing her hair and breast. My mother, her caretaker and main supporter, reassured her that her health was more important than her looks. My grandmother always was a stickler for fashion and loved to dress up each and every day from head to toe. Losing two of her favorite physical attributes made the transition in caring more for her health difficult. I, too, have tried to reassure my grandmother that hair can grow; besides, she wore wigs to cover her beautiful hair when she had hair anyway. Audre Lorde’s description of the negative affects of the emphasis on physical pretense during a woman’s recovery were totally logic yet all too common. I can feel the pain in Lorde’s writing as she describes how society has influenced the ideology that to be woman is to be superficial (you know, that ‘women are to be seen and not heard’ kind of thing). I felt insulted when a nurse told Lorde that her walking around without a prosthetic was “bad for the morale of the office”; I felt it to be more appalling that it came from a woman who, supposedly, understands what women with breast cancer are dealing with. My grandmother has a prosthetic breast and she only wears it when she’s out in public. She’s mentioned to me on several occasions that she’s self-conscious and does not think she will ever feel comfortable again. I have watched my grandmother through the years suffer tremendously with almost every health issue known to man and as a result, she is currently inflicted with severe depression which affects everyone in the household. My mother and I have been remotely active in any and every breast cancer convention, workshop, and walk, and so on to educate ourselves in preventing the same thing to happen to us and the rest of the women in our family and to continue to support my grandmother. It’s funny that Lorde mentioned the “profit-hungry/marketing scheme the American Cancer Society has going because I just mentioned to a friend last week at a Breast Cancer Forum that it is amazing how much money these “Breast Cancer” companies are making. They have an entire marketing strategy, from the “pink ribbons” to paying cancer survivors to go around the world to talk about their experiences…Capitalism at its best. I hope that more and more women realize that preventing the reoccurrence of cancer and any other illness, educating all the women they know and reflecting internally about what is really important to their body image, self-image and health instead of pleasing others is vital to them being alive and staying alive. I will be sure to share this with my grandmother hoping she will realize that the beauty she has always possessed never faded away.

(re: picture- woman in pink: my grandmother, 2nd from left-me, others: members of SHAPE @ annual breast cancer walk 2006)

a burst of light

Audre Lorde’s attempts of exercising every option she has in detecting new cancerous cells and liver tumors before having to go through another strenuous and potentially dangerous procedure seems to me to be the most logic and safe thing to do. However, even when it comes to a person’s health, or more importantly, their life, money by all means have priority. It is sad to think of how many people have to live with painful and chronic illnesses without getting help because they aren’t covered or insured. It is even more painful to think of all those who have died just because they have not paid a monthly bill to a company who will probably receive more money from paying customers than they [the insurance company] will probably dish out to cover certain procedures and etc. I commend Lorde on her initiative to seek all of the facts pertaining to her health. How can one put their life in the hands of a person, who supposedly attended years of rigorous schooling, who only cares to see that he or she is making a profit instead of meeting the individual needs of each and every individual patient?
I often find myself begging and pleading with my grandmother to actively and patiently seek a whole new slew of doctors because I honestly believe that she is her doctors “money making machine”. She told me recently that she’s going to start showing only one of her medical cards because every time she pull out ALL of her medical insurance cards her doctors quickly find something else “wrong” with her and want to “poke” her someone else, give her this treatment/surgery and dope her up on more medication. I believe she takes at least ten pills a day and has two extra large zip-loc bags full of medicine and has to take them everywhere she goes (and I PROMISE I am NOT exaggerating). She is equivalent to any other drug addict because at this point in her life, after years and years of being on these drugs, her body is totally dependent on them. She has also gone through two “spells” within the last year where she literally goes psycho on everyone around her causing us to worry about the mental affects these drugs have on her. I tell her all the time that her doctors are taking advantage of her but she gets angry and does not want to listen. I also tried to get her to take a “natural” approach to her ailments but she chooses to give up and not fight “those battles” Lorde talks about. Knowing what I know now and what my grandmother is going through, I now know that I have a responsibility to my body and my health and have dedicated myself to stay active in exercising and educating myself about…myself.