While reading Audre Lorde's article in the Cancer Journals I was so upset at the way her first visit to the doctor after her surgery went. I kept thinking how I would have felt if I was in that situation, to leave the house for the first time, after getting my hair done and putting on one of my favorite outfits and convincing myself that I am perfect just the way I am and that my partner will love me with just one breast because it doesn't really matter who I am on the outside as much as who I am on the inside. But once she arrived at the doctor and was greeted by the nurse who seemed to have been in support of her, I could not believe that the nurse, a woman, told Audre that she was bringing down the morale of the doctor's office by not wearing a prosthesis. What kind of doctor's office is that, I thought that they were supposed to be one of the best breast cancer oncologists offices and instead it seemed as if they were a plastic surgeon's office; more concerned about the appearance of the patient than the patient's actual well being. Lorde was right on target when she said that women are judged by their outside appearances; how beautiful we are on the outside, and our bodies seems to determine our worth, not our intelligence or our personalities. I sometimes find myself wondering if my boyfriend would still love me if I cut my hair, or gained weight or changed any other form of my appearance and although he always assures me that he thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am, that is the problem; I'm only beautiful to him in this way and if anything were to change there is a possibility that I will no longer be as beautiful. I wonder if Audre was onto something when she said that in her experience women love based on the inside, because I sure feel like men love strictly based on the outside appearance and anything else is just a bonus.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Man Pleasers
While reading Audre Lorde's article in the Cancer Journals I was so upset at the way her first visit to the doctor after her surgery went. I kept thinking how I would have felt if I was in that situation, to leave the house for the first time, after getting my hair done and putting on one of my favorite outfits and convincing myself that I am perfect just the way I am and that my partner will love me with just one breast because it doesn't really matter who I am on the outside as much as who I am on the inside. But once she arrived at the doctor and was greeted by the nurse who seemed to have been in support of her, I could not believe that the nurse, a woman, told Audre that she was bringing down the morale of the doctor's office by not wearing a prosthesis. What kind of doctor's office is that, I thought that they were supposed to be one of the best breast cancer oncologists offices and instead it seemed as if they were a plastic surgeon's office; more concerned about the appearance of the patient than the patient's actual well being. Lorde was right on target when she said that women are judged by their outside appearances; how beautiful we are on the outside, and our bodies seems to determine our worth, not our intelligence or our personalities. I sometimes find myself wondering if my boyfriend would still love me if I cut my hair, or gained weight or changed any other form of my appearance and although he always assures me that he thinks I'm beautiful just the way I am, that is the problem; I'm only beautiful to him in this way and if anything were to change there is a possibility that I will no longer be as beautiful. I wonder if Audre was onto something when she said that in her experience women love based on the inside, because I sure feel like men love strictly based on the outside appearance and anything else is just a bonus.
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What you mentioned at the end, "I wonder if my boyfriend would like me if...." I think reinforces the concept of women constantly being surveyed while men are the surveyors. It is up to women to feel comfortable with themselves to please themselves contrary to the popular belief that male perception should dominate female happiness with self. Until we break this cycle, male perception will continue to bombard our minds leaving us detach from our own personal development and healing. Who cares if he/she would...what about prioritizing self.
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